Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Hummer That Broke the World

There's an article out of Springfield, Missouri talking about a recent study that said that "more than 50 percent of American 16- to 19-year-olds have had oral sex. A group interview with several teens revealed that this behavior is considered less intimate than sexual intercourse, that it doesn't really equal having sex and that it doesn't require protection from STDs." Fine, no problem so far. I've read about this study in several different places, and while it's frightening if true that adolescents think blowjobs can't give them STDs, a little education beyond "abstinence only" should clear that up quicker than a shot of penicillin. But here's where it gets wonky: guess who they blame for this shocking, I say SHOCKING lapse of morals? Yep, the conservative's favorite whipping boy, Bill Clinton. I shit you not.


In 1998, these teens were children watching nightly TV news reports of our president's impeachment. Just as we adults did, over and over they heard him defend himself with: "It depends on what you mean by 'having sex.'" They also saw the rise to near-stardom of the young intern complicit in the Oval Office misbehavior.

Let's say you're 15 in good old 2005. That means in 1998 you were around 8. Now I don't know about you, but I know that when I was 8 nothing gave me more pleasure than sitting around with the folks watching the nightly news. And if it was political news? Well then my prepubescent boner knew no bounds! Screw playing video games, some guy with white hair was in trouble for doing something icky with a girl! (And according to Bart Simpson, girl's butts are where cooties COME from!) And near-stardom? Puh-lease. What she became was the punchline to a myriad of jokes that I'd bet my left nut no 8 years olds would understand anyway. Please Susan Hom, show me a child who actually enjoys sitting around with his parents watching the nightly news, and I'll show you a sneaky midget with a diaper fetish.

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