Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Republican Dictionary (S-Z)

The final installment of the Republican Dictionary. I certainly hope we have learned something today.

Senate n: Exclusive club, entry fee $10 to $30 million.

Southern States n. God's country. A region where military traditions, guns, and the threat of gay marriage can be used to convince poor people to vote for Republicans, against their own physical and financial self interest.

Shock and Awe: A classic com-bination like "surf and turf"; special effects produced by the U.S. military at great expense with bright lights, and very loud noises. It is not to be confused with an effective military campaign or rational policy (See, State Terrorism).

Simplify, tr. v. To cut the taxes of Re-publican donors. This is done in such a way that other taxpayers thing they will be included in the tax cuts.

Slave, n. A person without legal rights, (See also Democrat, poor).

Small Business Owner, n. rich donors

SEC, n. 1. (archaic) A government agency to prevent corporate executives from deceiving investors.; 2. (current) A government agency to aid corporate executives in deceiving investors.

Security, n: Something to be applied to the homeland but not to the social.

Social Security: 1. A good idea except for two problems: Social verges on socialism and guarantees of security violate a free market.; 2. A potential source of new investment capital for the stock market.

Social Security Reform, n. Leave no Wall Street broker behind.

Spreading Peace, v. Preemptive war.

Stay The Course, v. To relentlessly pursue a disastrous policy regardless of how far conditions deteriorate. Antonym: "To cut and run."

Staying The Course, v., The act of being stubborn and unable to admit glaring policy mistakes; being wrong and sticking with the wrong idea regardless of the consequences.

Strategic Competitor-China branch: Providing a former enemy an incentive to maintain good relations while using it as an industrial park for outsourcing low-paying and often polluting Industries.

Strict Constructionist, n. A judge with extremely conservative beliefs, who interprets laws in a manner that fits his/rarely-her own belief systems, while maintaining that this was the original intent of the law.

Stuff Happens: Official DOD response presented by Donald Rums-feld to questions regarding unantic-ipated problems in Iraq.

Support the Troops: A mandatory mantra which need no longer be mouthed since full "support" can be offered with a simple $1 investment in a magnetic yellow ribbon to affix to the back of your SUV.

Support The Military, v. To praise Bush when he sends our young men and women off to die for no reason and without proper body armor.

Tax Reform, n. The shifting of the tax burden from unearned income to earned income, or rather, from the wealthy elite to the working class.

Tax Simplification, n. A way to make it simpler for large US corporations to export American jobs to avoid paying US taxes.

Tort Reform, n. Corporate immunity and impunity.

Townhall Meeting: A meeting in a hall in a town where all the participants have first been vetted for loyalty to the Bush administration to insure no embarrassing questions are asked.

Torture, v. 1. (archaic) An abuse of human rights.; 2. (modern) An accept-able interrogation technique for in-dividuals we define as "enemy com-batants to help them see the error of their ways. (See also Abuse)

Torturer, n. 1. White House Counsel.; 2. Attorney General. ; 3. Secretary of Defense.

Unions, n. Organizations founded to make outrageous demands upon corporations for wages and fringe benefits.

Uniter, n. A Leader who brings to-gether his followers by fomenting hat-red for anyone who disagrees with him.

Very Clear, adj. Modifier used immediately before any preposterous explanation or rationale.

Wal-Mart: The nation-state, future tense.

Washington Press Corps: Extension of White House and Pentagon press offices. A group of easily intimidated writers working for large corporations with senior executives who support the Republican Party.

Wilderness n: 1. Publicly owned former habitat for wildlife, often endangered, where private corporat-ions go wild drilling for oil and gas, grazing cattle, logging, and building roads.; 2. Off-road vehicle theme parks characterized by abundant stumps, oil slicks, tire tracks, flattened owls, and coughing caribou.


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