Friday, October 28, 2005

One Down, An Administration To Go


WASHINGTON (CNN) -- I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff, resigned on Friday after a federal grand jury indicted him on charges related to the CIA leak investigation.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Ding Dong, the Dangerously Unqualified Crony is Dead!

Okay, so she's not actually dead, but her nomination is. Harriet Miers has withdrawn her supreme court nomination, and Shrub has "reluctantly" accepted the withdrawal.

The White House said Miers had to withdraw over concerns that senators wanted documents of privileged discussions between the president and his top lawyer.


"It is clear that senators would not be satisfied until they gained access to internal documents concerning advice provided during her tenure at the White House -- disclosures that would undermine a president's ability to receive candid counsel," Bush said in the statement.

Kinda makes you wonder what the White House was afraid would get out, doesn't it? I'm choosing to see this as a positive sign, although of course that means that Shrub still has a nomination to pull out of his ass. Since he seems to only know about 20 people total, I'm guessing his next nomination will be the court clerk who managed to hide Bush's DUI for so many years, or maybe someone from the White House cleaning staff. Either way, it's a happy day for progressives, and as Twiggy said to me this morning in instant message: "My reproductive rights live to fight another day". Huzzah!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Attachment Parenting

Let me give a caveat here and say that, yes… I’ve read about some forms of this “Attachment parenting” that actually work. Anything in moderation is better than nothing, however, the variety I am about to talk about are obviously those who not only carry it too far, but take a flying leap away from too far and land somewhere in the vicinity of fucking insane.

Apparently, this is all the rage now with the trendy types. From what I understand, it largely involves co-sleeping, breastfeeding (nothing wrong with that normally, but I’ll get to the way they do it), unschooling (gods, I wish that was a typo), some bizarre other things, and generally leaving your child as emotionally fit as three year old. Classy. Let me go point by point here.


This isn’t necessarily mind blowing—I understand sharing a bed with a newborn to keep it calm and warm and suchlike (and by understand I mean, see the logic in it). However, since this is Ebolaville, you must realize that I wouldn’t be making this post if there was any logic in what these people do. These types do this co-sleeping business well past the newborn years. Some of them keep the children in the bed with them up until they are seven or eight years old. I understand a child having a nightmare and wanting the comfort of sleeping with Mommy every now and again. Hell, I had the nightmare where the devil was climbing up a ladder into my brain more times that I can recall growing up, which sent me straight for Mom and Dad’s room, but I had my own bed and preferred sleeping in it. Maybe I am just missing something, but I see no way that co-sleeping with Mommy every night is healthy for a child. What I can see is how this will emotionally stunt the child’s growth by not setting what I would call ‘growth boundaries,’ not to mention the negative effect this would have on the parents (and here I am assuming that both are still in the picture). Then again, those who subscribe to this philosophy usually don’t care much about their husbands aside from their precious “baby batter” (their term, not mine… it burns the brain) and wallets.


By no means do I want to get into the age old breast milk versus formula war here (personally, I like to view my tits as funbags rather than milkbars, but that is neither here nor there), but these types think that formula feeding a baby is a crime against nature itself. Lordy, I saw an icon from one of these attachment parents that had a picture of Mary holding the Baby J with W(hat) W(ould) J(esus) D(rink) down the side. The religious nutjobs strike again. Ready for the kicker on this one? They breastfeed their kids until they are five or six years old. I read one account a forum of theirs where the mother was birthing a new child while her seven year old was sucking her tit for milk. Christ on a crutch people… the health effects of breast milk only last so long. Here is a good little tip: if the kid can ask for the breast, maybe it is time to look into solid foods. Or maybe it is something else… maybe these psychos actually get off on this. Another forum-ite was talking about how her four year old flicked her nipple with his tongue while feeding and about how erotic it felt. Jeebus McSweeny, it’s your damn toddler woman! Get your damn husband to suck your tits if that’s what you really want or is he too busy diddling the secretary because of this psycho-attraction to your child? Much like the co-sleeping, I see zero benefits to long term breast feeding. Again, what I do see are serious long term sexual and emotional issues developing.


I will say it again—I wish to gods that was a typo, sadly though… it isn’t. This is a new bright idea come up with by these “geniuses” who cannot stand having their child off their tit for more than a microsecond. Unschooling is a completely informal system of “education” where the “parents” teach the kids what the kids decide they want to learn. Still with me, or has your head exploded yet? This is not homeschooling. There are no state mandated syllabi or target goals. There is no degree to be had from unschooling for twelve years. The parents who do this keep little Jaiydien (or whatever the trendy name with too many vowels is at the time) at home and let them read what they want (if they want to read) and learn about what interests them. This would be a great growing experience for a child, if properly directed (and supplemented with real education). Sadly though, most of these kids are unable to see past Momma’s floppy milkbag and have zero interest in anything (they are also largely the spastic, wailing crotch monkeys that careen into your shopping cart in the grocery store due to lack of discipline). Speaking of lack of discipline… I think that this is a side effect of this unschooling nonsense. These kids have no boundaries and are allowed to freely “express themselves” without ever being reprimanded or taught proper social boundaries and respect.

Let me go further into this with two personal experiences. This first one happened in Target about a year ago. I strolled through the store, collected the necessary cleaning supplies, underwear, new DVDs, and whatnot then made my way up to the checkout. It should be said that I had a pretty badly fucked up ankle then, and it was bandaged up so I could hobble around. Well, my poor ankle and I were standing in the checkout line when a cart slams me in the back and ankles. I assume it to be an accident until it happens again. I growl and turn only to look into the vacant stare of a mother with child in tow, said child being the one who found it amusing to ram me with the cart. I asked her, rather politely considering the pain I was in, if she would rein in her yard-ape (no, I did not word it that rudely). She looked at me like I had grown a second head, kicked a puppy, and threatened to string up her hyperactive brat by the toes.

“How dare you tell me how to parent my child! He is just being a kid!”

“That may be the case, ma’am, but he just rammed me in the back and ankles with your cart. Twice.”

“You’re just being mean! You don’t understand!”

At this point, I gave up intelligent reasoning with this vacuous ninny and turned back to face the register. I glance off to the side and notice that Sproggy McCartpusher has toddled away from his oh-so intelligent mother figure and is sucking on a pack of Rolo candies like a damn pacifier. Mommy eventually finds him and drags him back to the cart. Does she reprimand the little shitbag for sucking on the candy and purchase said candy? Oh no… she giggles at how cute her precious little angel is, takes the candy from him, and puts it back on the rack (baby drool and all). Marvelous job raising the next generation there.

The second tale of woe comes from a visit to the grocery store. It was late, and I had been on campus all day (probably a Monday last semester, when I got to campus at 730am and left at 9pm). I was exhausted and stumbling through the grocery store to find some grub. While debating over the merits of cooking bbq chicken or chili for dinner, someone grabs my ass. “What the blue bloody fuck is this?” I think while turning preparing to slap the bastard, only… there is no bastard within direct eye sight to slap. I glance down into the drool and crumb encrusted face of a small child who just grins, giggles, and runs back to his mother further down the aisle who has witnessed this whole spectacle and is, I shit you not, laughing. This child was easily older than age seven, an age where I feel that personal boundaries should be well established. I walked over to the lady and asked her if she was happy raising a future sex offender. She turned bright red and was likely preparing to spout off some more of the ‘just a child’ rhetoric at me until I cut her off: “Your child grabbed my ass and is lucky I didn’t slap him into next week. I suggest you teach him some boundaries before he runs into someone with less self control than myself.” She spluttered and stammered for a bit, so I just wheeled my cart around muttering something obscene no doubt and headed for the checkout with my meager cart of groceries. For those wondering, I went to Taco Bell for dinner that night

Bizarre Other Behaviour

As though the co-sleeping, breast feeding, and unschooling weren’t bad enough, a large portion of these attachment types are anti-immunization. Aha! Their first good idea, at least from my point of view—after all, it will weed out the sickly and stupid from the herd (a girl can dream, can’t she?). These types think that the government puts mind control agents into the vaccines required for most children. Now, not only does this jeopardize their kids health, it also sets them up for a really dim future. Think about it… combine this unschooling nonsense with no degree with a lack of immunizations and there isn’t a higher learning center in the country who will take them in. I recall not so long ago (six years) when I was heading off to college for the first time, the school I was set to head to mailed back a list of about three vaccinations I needed to update before I was allowed in. God only knows what will happen to the poor creatures raised by these hovering momzillas.

This kind of shit honestly makes me want to weep for the next generation while at the same time taking a rusty spork of sterilization to these idiots. Congratulations, you are raising a generation of children who will never be able to function on their own. I certainly hope you enjoy supporting your thirty year old while s/he lives in your basement simply because you couldn’t cut the umbilical cord.

Damn I need a drink.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Hummer That Broke the World

There's an article out of Springfield, Missouri talking about a recent study that said that "more than 50 percent of American 16- to 19-year-olds have had oral sex. A group interview with several teens revealed that this behavior is considered less intimate than sexual intercourse, that it doesn't really equal having sex and that it doesn't require protection from STDs." Fine, no problem so far. I've read about this study in several different places, and while it's frightening if true that adolescents think blowjobs can't give them STDs, a little education beyond "abstinence only" should clear that up quicker than a shot of penicillin. But here's where it gets wonky: guess who they blame for this shocking, I say SHOCKING lapse of morals? Yep, the conservative's favorite whipping boy, Bill Clinton. I shit you not.

In 1998, these teens were children watching nightly TV news reports of our president's impeachment. Just as we adults did, over and over they heard him defend himself with: "It depends on what you mean by 'having sex.'" They also saw the rise to near-stardom of the young intern complicit in the Oval Office misbehavior.

Let's say you're 15 in good old 2005. That means in 1998 you were around 8. Now I don't know about you, but I know that when I was 8 nothing gave me more pleasure than sitting around with the folks watching the nightly news. And if it was political news? Well then my prepubescent boner knew no bounds! Screw playing video games, some guy with white hair was in trouble for doing something icky with a girl! (And according to Bart Simpson, girl's butts are where cooties COME from!) And near-stardom? Puh-lease. What she became was the punchline to a myriad of jokes that I'd bet my left nut no 8 years olds would understand anyway. Please Susan Hom, show me a child who actually enjoys sitting around with his parents watching the nightly news, and I'll show you a sneaky midget with a diaper fetish.

Monday, October 24, 2005


PETSMART, which is actually a great chain, is holding their second annual Howl-O-Ween costume contest. What this means is that "pet parents" (wow, I actually gagged a little bit while I typed that) dress up their respective animal companions in adorable (read as: masochistic) little costumes and take pictures to send in to the website.
Let's make no bones about it folks, this is a form of animal abuse.
Look, I'm a bona fide dog person. I love my doggie Rookie like you wouldn't believe. I'm not above a little baby talk if there's no one in earshot. I allow myself to labor under the delusion that he actually understands more than a few simple commands when I speak to him. But I recognize the delusion for what it is, and at the end of the day I accept the fact that he is and always shall be nothing more than an animal. Loyal, trustworthy, affectionate... all words I would use to describe my dog. But let's face facts: dogs are pack animals. I'm the alpha male, the leader of his pack, I control the food supply, I take him outside when he needs to do his business, and I scratch his belly when he presents it. But he doesn't stay with me because he chooses to, because of my sparkling personality and rapier wit. And do you know why not? Because he can't. BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKING DOG.
Quit treating your pets like they're fuzzy little foreign children who just haven't picked up the language yet. I know this is going to be hard for you to accept, but your dog DOES NOT LIKE wearing the costume. "Oh, he likes it! He wore it all day!" Yeah, because the poor bastard doesn't have any opposable thumbs to assist in removing the travesty you've wrapped around him. He doesn't have the power of speech or he'd be telling you to "get this crap off of me before the neighbor dog sees me or I'll never live this down". Listen, if you really have the overwhelming need as an adult to play Barbie dress-up with something small and furry, get yourself knocked up by a hirsute Italian man (the vast majority of these pet parents are women; let's face it, most men can barely dress themselves). Personally I think that's just as cruel, but at least the child will eventually be able to take off the ridiculous outfits on his or her own, or even tell you to pound sand when you hold up the precious little sailor suit that Aunt Mildred sent for Christmas. Not so with these poor abused animals.
You know how I know they don't like wearing costumes? I mean besides the fact that most of them them jitter and squirm like an Iraqi in Gitmo with his genitals hooked up to a car battery? Because if they really, truly enjoyed dressing up in costumes, they'd do it in the wild. Until I see a Discovery Channel special on rival gangs of wolves killing each other over their shoes and leather jackets I'm going to assume that animals prefer to be animals.
Keep in mind that when you dress up little Bobo as a pirate or a cowboy, you have surrendered not only your own dignity but also that of your pet. And he really didn't have a choice in the matter.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

A Light at the End?

You can't lie to, cheat, and steal from all the people all the time. Well if you're the Republicans, you can, but eventually it's going to catch up with you. At least that's the feeling that I get when I read this great article from

Indeed, polltaker Frank Luntz, who helped develop the "Contract With America" message that swept Republicans to power in 1994, was on the Hill last week warning the party faithful that they could lose both the House and the Senate in next year's congressional elections.

No, I'm not yet riverdancing on the grave of the repuglican party, but I'm at least limbering up. I'm cautiously optimistic that at least some of these criminals are going to be called on their bullshit. Maybe America is finally waking up? Only time will tell.