Wednesday, August 31, 2005

There Are No Words

Bush took New Orleans disaster funds and used them for the Iraq war and for his tax cuts
by John in DC - 8/30/2005 09:57:00 PM

An amazing late-breaking article from Editor & Publisher. Bottom line: Experts knew this was coming, and all the preparations ground to a halt because Bush stole New Orleans' disaster preparation money so he could use it for his Iraq debacle:

New Orleans had long known it was highly vulnerable to flooding and a direct hit from a hurricane. In fact, the federal government has been working with state and local officials in the region since the late 1960s on major hurricane and flood relief efforts. When flooding from a massive rainstorm in May 1995 killed six people, Congress authorized the Southeast Louisiana Urban Flood Control Project, or SELA.

...after 2003, the flow of federal dollars toward SELA dropped to a trickle. The Corps never tried to hide the fact that the spending pressures of the war in Iraq, as well as homeland security -- coming at the same time as federal tax cuts -- was the reason for the strain. At least nine articles in the Times-Picayune from 2004 and 2005 specifically cite the cost of Iraq as a reason for the lack of hurricane- and flood-control dollars.

Newhouse News Service, in an article posted late Tuesday night at The Times-Picayune web site, reported: "No one can say they didn't see it coming....Now in the wake of one of the worst storms ever, serious questions are being asked about the lack of preparation."

In early 2004, as the cost of the conflict in Iraq soared, President Bush proposed spending less than 20 percent of what the Corps said was needed for Lake Pontchartrain, according to a Feb. 16, 2004, article, in New Orleans CityBusiness.

On June 8, 2004, Walter Maestri, emergency management chief for Jefferson Parish, Louisiana; told the Times-Picayune: “It appears that the money has been moved in the president’s budget to handle homeland security and the war in Iraq, and I suppose that’s the price we pay. Nobody locally is happy that the levees can’t be finished, and we are doing everything we can to make the case that this is a security issue for us.”

Also that June, with the 2004 hurricane season starting, the Corps' project manager Al Naomi went before a local agency, the East Jefferson Levee Authority, and essentially begged for $2 million for urgent work that Washington was now unable to pay for. From the June 18, 2004 Times-Picayune:

"The system is in great shape, but the levees are sinking. Everything is sinking, and if we don’t get the money fast enough to raise them, then we can’t stay ahead of the settlement," he said. "The problem that we have isn’t that the levee is low, but that the federal funds have dried up so that we can’t raise them."...

About $300,000 in federal money was proposed for the 2005 fiscal-year budget, and the state had agreed to match that amount. But the cost of the Iraq war forced the Bush administration to order the New Orleans district office not to begin any new studies, and the 2005 budget no longer includes the needed money, he said.”

The Senate was seeking to restore some of the SELA funding cuts for 2006. But now it's too late

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Retards

The pro-war hatemongers down in Crawford Texas prove once again that for all their militaristic hardons, they never learned not to fight a battle of wits whilst narmed:

In one heated moment, members of the pro-Bush crowd turned on what they mistakenly thought were a group of anti-war protesters, cursing them, threatening them and tearing down their signs. A police officer rushed the group to safety.

Um. That would be Move America Forward kicking The Protest Warriors asses.

Couldn't Have Mocked It Better Myself

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
TOPEKA, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.
read the rest of the article at The Onion

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Who Would Jesus Assassinate?

Pat Robertson, the hate-filled, intolerant slimy "man of god" who is the spiritual leader of the conservative Christian "700 Club" calls for the assassination of a democratically elected leader of a foreign country on national television, and our government clucks its collective tongue and calls it "inappropriate". What?!? Belching in public is inappropriate. A religious leader (and staunch supporter and friend of our president) calling for the murder of a national leader on television is fucking outrageous.
Janet's boob causes a national uproar and millions in fines, and this terrorist statement was deemed "inappropriate"? And where's the unholy retribution of the FCC? Oh, that's right... they're busy "protecting" us from Howard Stern again. As I mentioned in an earlier post, sex is considered much worse than violence in this back assward country. Where are the protestors with signs reading "You Don't Speak For Me, Pat?" Fucking hypocrites. Just one more reason I'm so happy to be an Agnostic... if I were a Christian I would be extremely ashamed to be in any way associated with this love-thy-neighbor (as long as he's a conservative American Christian... otherwise kill-thy-neighbor) Jesus freak. Emphasis on the freak.
Although I do believe that Robertson has the right to say whatever the hell he wants as free speech, I was under the impression that inciting violent acts in public was illegal. Or at least worse than inappropriate. Shameful works. Deplorable. Despicable has a nice ring to it, plus it makes me think of Daffy Duck. But I think the best term is monkeyfuck crazy. If he wants to stand behind his pulpit and preach hatred and division, that's his right. In reality, that's what he's been doing for years anyway. If his brain dead followers keep coming to listen to his vile bullshit, that's their right too. But requesting a government sanctioned hit on Hugo Chavez on NATIONAL TELEVISION? It boggles the fucking mind. We are at a point in history when a large portion of the world has turned against or away from our country because of our foreign policy of "might makes right/show me the money", and someone who calls himself a religious leader, has millions of followers and even ran for president has the audacity to say something like this? Jebus must be rolling over in his grave.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Battle of the Sexists

There's an interesting article on Alternet today:

Transition House, New England's first battered women's shelter, has always been known for its cutting edge work helping women and children escape abusive homes.

Recently, however, the
Boston-based 30-year-old organization has set a precedent that makes some feminist activists uncomfortable. The board has not only hired a man as the interim executive director, but they are doing a gender-neutral search for a permanent hire set to conclude August 30th.

full article

What I'm curious about is if the feminist activists quoted in the article as saying that the director has to be a woman are doing a disservice to the shelter. The first two people who posted responses to the article were female, and they actually supported the choice of a male for the position. I posted the following response to them: "Although I can empathize with the desire to have a woman run this organization in deference to the victims themselves, I would like to thank the last two posters for pointing out that not all men are inherently violent and/or greedy. I was raised by a single mother (my father was abusive until she left him) and find violence against women to be one of the most disgusting and purile practices imaginable. It seems to me like this organization is looking for the best person for the job, regardless of gender. I commend them for that. "

I guess I was curious if this is really about what is best for the shelter, or if it is sort of a case of reverse sexism. I do understand that this is a male dominated society, and that no matter what liberal lip service is paid to sexual equality, women really aren't yet completely equal. (Just one example: Twiggy wrote an excellent paper on the lack of marital rape statutes in most states; as if a woman can't be "raped" by someone she's married to. I'll see if I can get her to post it) But I also believe that two wrongs don't make a right. It is well known that it goes the other way; I imagine every day highly qualified women are overlooked for jobs in favor of a less qualified man. This is neither right nor fair, especially in this "enlightened" day and age. But in this example, say that a man was the most qualified applicant for this position... would it be any more right or fair to overlook him just because of his sex? Isn't that staring into the abyss and then becoming it?
To me, the most persausive argument against hiring a man (which I opened my post with) is that the victims might be traumatized by a male in a position of authority. But the article points out that the postition is primarily administrative with very little interaction with the residents. I reiterate my closing remark: the best person for the job should be the ultimate goal, regardless of gender. Be that as it may, in my heart of hearts I think this job probably should go to a woman. I think a woman would have a better understanding of the problems facing the residents of this shelter, whether or not that's a correct assumption. I am mostly playing a bit of devil's advocate. I personally was raised by a single mom who is an intelligent, successful, extremely strong person, so my view of women is maybe a little different than most. There are a couple of digs in the article saying the only reason men want to be involved in the Domestic Violence community is because they can make money. This bothered me a bit. I often find myself trying to defend my gender against this sort of stereotype. Believe it or not, not all heterosexual males are greedy, misogynistic, skirt-chasing assholes. Some of us fully and totally believe in feminism, gender equality, and women's rights in general. So all I'm really trying to say is don't automatically write us off. Some of us are actually on your side.
I blame my mother. Thanks mom! =)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Republican Dictionary (S-Z)

The final installment of the Republican Dictionary. I certainly hope we have learned something today.

Senate n: Exclusive club, entry fee $10 to $30 million.

Southern States n. God's country. A region where military traditions, guns, and the threat of gay marriage can be used to convince poor people to vote for Republicans, against their own physical and financial self interest.

Shock and Awe: A classic com-bination like "surf and turf"; special effects produced by the U.S. military at great expense with bright lights, and very loud noises. It is not to be confused with an effective military campaign or rational policy (See, State Terrorism).

Simplify, tr. v. To cut the taxes of Re-publican donors. This is done in such a way that other taxpayers thing they will be included in the tax cuts.

Slave, n. A person without legal rights, (See also Democrat, poor).

Small Business Owner, n. rich donors

SEC, n. 1. (archaic) A government agency to prevent corporate executives from deceiving investors.; 2. (current) A government agency to aid corporate executives in deceiving investors.

Security, n: Something to be applied to the homeland but not to the social.

Social Security: 1. A good idea except for two problems: Social verges on socialism and guarantees of security violate a free market.; 2. A potential source of new investment capital for the stock market.

Social Security Reform, n. Leave no Wall Street broker behind.

Spreading Peace, v. Preemptive war.

Stay The Course, v. To relentlessly pursue a disastrous policy regardless of how far conditions deteriorate. Antonym: "To cut and run."

Staying The Course, v., The act of being stubborn and unable to admit glaring policy mistakes; being wrong and sticking with the wrong idea regardless of the consequences.

Strategic Competitor-China branch: Providing a former enemy an incentive to maintain good relations while using it as an industrial park for outsourcing low-paying and often polluting Industries.

Strict Constructionist, n. A judge with extremely conservative beliefs, who interprets laws in a manner that fits his/rarely-her own belief systems, while maintaining that this was the original intent of the law.

Stuff Happens: Official DOD response presented by Donald Rums-feld to questions regarding unantic-ipated problems in Iraq.

Support the Troops: A mandatory mantra which need no longer be mouthed since full "support" can be offered with a simple $1 investment in a magnetic yellow ribbon to affix to the back of your SUV.

Support The Military, v. To praise Bush when he sends our young men and women off to die for no reason and without proper body armor.

Tax Reform, n. The shifting of the tax burden from unearned income to earned income, or rather, from the wealthy elite to the working class.

Tax Simplification, n. A way to make it simpler for large US corporations to export American jobs to avoid paying US taxes.

Tort Reform, n. Corporate immunity and impunity.

Townhall Meeting: A meeting in a hall in a town where all the participants have first been vetted for loyalty to the Bush administration to insure no embarrassing questions are asked.

Torture, v. 1. (archaic) An abuse of human rights.; 2. (modern) An accept-able interrogation technique for in-dividuals we define as "enemy com-batants to help them see the error of their ways. (See also Abuse)

Torturer, n. 1. White House Counsel.; 2. Attorney General. ; 3. Secretary of Defense.

Unions, n. Organizations founded to make outrageous demands upon corporations for wages and fringe benefits.

Uniter, n. A Leader who brings to-gether his followers by fomenting hat-red for anyone who disagrees with him.

Very Clear, adj. Modifier used immediately before any preposterous explanation or rationale.

Wal-Mart: The nation-state, future tense.

Washington Press Corps: Extension of White House and Pentagon press offices. A group of easily intimidated writers working for large corporations with senior executives who support the Republican Party.

Wilderness n: 1. Publicly owned former habitat for wildlife, often endangered, where private corporat-ions go wild drilling for oil and gas, grazing cattle, logging, and building roads.; 2. Off-road vehicle theme parks characterized by abundant stumps, oil slicks, tire tracks, flattened owls, and coughing caribou.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The Republican Dictionary (M-R)

Now, on with part three of this lovely little dictionary. I hope by now everyone is beginning to understand our elephant bretheren a bit better.

Mandate, n. 1. What a Republican claims to possess when only 49 percent of the voting public loathes him instead of 51 percent.; 2. The opinion expressed by about a quarter of the eligible voters.; 3. The opinion reflected in an electoral-vote margin smaller than in any 20th century election other than 1916 and 2000.; 4. The opinion expressed by the smallest popular vote margin obtained by a sitting president since 1916.

Media (The) n. Immoral elitist liberally-biased traitors who should leave Republicans alone so they can complete God's work on Earth in peace and quiet, behind closed doors.

Moral Values, n. Hatred of homosexuals dressed up in Biblical language. (See also Family Values)

Modernize, v. To do away with, as in modernizing Social Security, labor laws, etc.

Mullah n: 1. (archaic) Religious teacher or leader, a title of respect in Islamic countries, pronounced "mull-a." 2. (informal) In the modern pres-idential vernacular, a title of dis-respect (pronounced "moo-lah") in ref-erence to Muslims deemed too fan-atical to be bought-off by American "moo-lah."

Neoconservatives, n. 1. Nerds with Napoleonic complexes.; 2. Individuals eager to send the sons and daughters of the poor to fight even though they dodged real military service when they could have fought.

Nationalism n: How foreigners love their country (when they do). A very dangerous phenomenon that can lead to extremes of passion, blindness, and xenophobia. (See, Terrorism)

Nonpartisan Judicial Nominee, n. An active member of the Federalist Society.

Northeast n. A region of the country that should be avoided at all cost. Government officials are known to challenge our great leader, George the Lesser, but they can be neutralized in our base (see Southern States) by a rousing chorus of "Dixie".

NRA n. Acronym for the National Rifle Association. An organization that believes its mission from God is to preserve the right to take and Uzi or a fully automatic M-16 out to hunt deer. Our kind of people.

Obstructionist, n. Any elected representative who dares to question Republican radicals on the issue of the day.

Office Of Faith-Based Initiatives, n. 1. Christian Right payoff. ; 2. Used to violate Constitutional separation of church and state.

Oil n: 1. Black gold. 2. (defunct acronym)

Operation Iraqi Liberation or OIL (name changed to Operation Iraqi Freedom, OIF, without explanation). 3. What the Bush ad-ministration wasn't after in Iraq and isn't after in Iran. (See, Democracy)

Ownership Society, n. 1. A society in which no one ever needs to own up to their mistakes or the consequences of their actions.; 2. A society in which Republican donors own the rest of us. 3. A strategy to improve stock prices.; 4. A society where you're on your own.; 3) The euphemism used by Republicans to promote or justify the elimination of Social Security which their powerful supporters don't need. Synonyms: PLUTOCRACY, CORP-ORATE FEUDALISM.; 5. You no longer own your national parks, your public transit, your commons, your government, your Bill of Rights, or your future, but you may purchase a Burger King franchise or stocks with your WalMart earnings.

Patriotism n: How Americans love their country. A trait so positive you can't have too much of it, and if you do, then you are a super-patriot which couldn't be better. (Foreigners cannot be patriotic. See, Nationalism)

Partial Birth Abortion, n. 1. A non-medical term invented to demonize a broad class of abortion procedures; 2. A strategy to reverse Roe v. Wade.

Peace n: What war is for.

Pentagon n: Currently, the official headquarters of the Defense Department, located in northern Virginia near Washington, D.C. This positioning had been strategically un-successful because of the close proximity to Congress. Since Congress insists on questioning the senior DOD team and thus interfearing with their work, The Department of Defense is soon be relocated. Management functions will be moved to a new complex, to be known as the Rumagon, that will be located in Texas adjacent to Halliburton headquarters. This will allow for the installation of a conveyer belt between buildings, permitting more rapid overpayment for no-bid contracts. Operational command will be moved to the new Global Forward Deployment Department or GFDD (Ge-Fudd). Its headquarters will be established in a building now being constructed in Bahrain out of sand imported from the beaches of Texas by Halliburton subsidiary KBR. From there, it can effectively manage world oil supplies.

Philosophy, n. Religion.

Political Capital, n. What a Republican president receives as a result of a razor-thin margin of victory in an election.

Press Conference, n. A rare event designed for the President to brag about his prowess as a leader while simultaneously dodging difficult questions.

Privatize, v. To steal the resources of the national community and give them to private business.

Public Opinion Polls: 1. Progress reports for spin-doctors.; 2. Formerly, validation of President's policies used to intimidate opposition and press.; 3. Current, irrelevant because questions were leading resulting in slanted data.

Reform, n. 1. Rollback of New Deal reforms, laws, standards and social protections. ; 2. To eliminate, as in tort reform (to eliminate all lawsuits against businesses and corporations) or Social Security and Medicare reform (to eliminate these programs altogether).

Republican Party: 1. (archaic) A party that values fiscal constraint and social moderation.; 2. (modern) A party that wraps itself in the flag and the Constitution while it assails the foundations of the Republic, attacking the balance and separation of powers (See, Assertions of Untrammeled Presidential Authority -- to violate do-mestic and international laws for-bidding torture); habeas corpus (See, Assertion of Right to Lock Away "Enemy Combatants" Forever - with-out due process of law); and fed-eralism (See, Legislative and Exec-utive Rampage -- to overturn state court decisions in the Terry Schiavo case).

Resolute, adj. Pig-headed.

Rummy slang: 1. (archaic) A person so drunk he can't recall a thing.; 2. (modern) A SECDEF so drunk on power that he refuses to remember anything.

Monday, August 15, 2005

What if we Threw a War and Nobody Came?

This post was made by my friend Syreene in her livejournal and is reposted here with her permission.

Do you suppose that someone should Tell the President the War Is Over? The approval rate for Mr. Bush's handling of Iraq plunged to 34 percent in last weekend's Newsweek poll - a match for the 32 percent that approved L.B.J.'s handling of Vietnam in early March 1968. He's losing his support base, and troop recruitment is so bad now that neither bonuses nor fudged standards nor the faking of high school diplomas has solved the recruitment shortfall. Jake Tapper of ABC News reports that the armed forces are so eager for bodies they will flout "don't ask, don't tell" and hang on to gay soldiers who tell, even if they tell the press.

The cronies are even fighting amongst themselves...Bill O'Reilly is trashing Rumsfeld, Ann Coulter is trasing O'Reilly for being a defeatist, and Robert Novak actually walked off a CNN set rather than answer questions regarding the Plame Affair.

We were so close here in Ohio...I am still ashamed of how we "gave" the Shrub his "win" in the election...but now Paul Hackett, an Iraq vet, Democrat, and staunch Shrub hater was 3% of the vote off from a win here after Portman left for his trade position. The Shrub won't come to Ohio to honor the fallen soliders from Cleveland or Cincinnati that died, and he disrespects the mothers who now rally in ditches outside his ranch waiting for a non-scripted response to their sons sacrifice.

It's been four long years since he swaggered in that pilot outfit and taunted the insurgents to "Bring it on." Four long years of death, destruction, greed and ignorance.

Voice your frustration...let them know what you are thinking about this fiasco...and remember what Tony Blair seems to have forgotten: What You Can't Say Will Hurt You.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

The Republican Dictionary (F-L)

I bring to you now the second installment of the Republican Dictionary (and before that I just want to add a bumper sticker I saw whilst on a road trip this weekend: Save the Country: Abort Liberals!)

Faith, n. The stubborn belief that God approves of Republican moral values despite the preponderance of textual evidence to the contrary.

Faith-Based Initiative, n. Christian Right Payoff.

Faith Community, n. Evangelicals, because they are saved, and hawkish conservative Jews, because they are useful. Israel is the bait-on-the-hook just waiting for God to take that Rapturous bite.

Fairer, adj. Regressive.

Family Values, n. 1. Oppression of women & gays.; 2. Preventing access to sex education (See also Sex Education).

Fiscal Conservative, n. A Republican who is in the minority.

Fox News, n. White House Press Office. Syn. Faux news.

Freedom, n. What Arabs want but can't achieve on their own without Western military intervention. It bears a striking resemblance to chaos.

Free Press: 1. Government propaganda materials covertly funded with a quarter of a billion dollars of tax-payer money but given out for free to the press and then broadcast without any acknowledgment of the govern-ment's role in their preparation. 2. Newspapers that obscure the truth on behalf of corporate and government interests for free.

Free Speech Zone The area to which those who differ from the administration are confined should they be so audacious as to wish to exercise their right of free speech.

Girly Men, n. Those who do not grope women.

Global Warming, n. A concept developed by tree hugging scientists (see Alarmist) to try and force us to give up our Hummers. It is claimed to be based on a century of weather data and computer models (see Junk Science)

GOD, n. Senior presidential advisor.

Growth, n. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. What happens to the deficits when Republicans cut taxes on the rich.

Hard Work, n. What Republicans say when they can't think of anything better. anything better.

Healthy Forests, n. 1. No tree left behind.; 2. Forests made safe from the ravages of nature, i.e. bugs and fires, by removal to pulp mills and lumber yards.

Hollywood, n. A city focused on fantasy. It is populated by people who obviously are suffering dementia from smoking funny cigarettes and spending too much time in the sun. (see also California)

Homeland n: A term successfully used by the Germans and the Soviets in World War II, less successfully (and in the plural) by Apartheid-era South Africa. It means neither home, nor land, has replaced both country and nation in American public speech, and is seldom wielded without the companion word "security." It is used today in a quasi-religious chant when negative news or embarrassing quest-ions call for a change in topic.

Homeland Security: synonymous with Homeland insecurity.

Homeland Security Department: The new Department organized to limit union strength of government employees while transferring Federal dollars to the red states to "improve security. After all, you never know when Montana is to be attacked by al-Qaida. It is best known for its "alert" system, declaring bridges yel-low and the Statue of Liberty orange.

Homeland Security Advisory System: 1. Color-coded program for emotional destabilization and confusion.; 2. A tool to distract America when negative stories are being broadcast.; 3. A system to diminish the electability potential of the opposition.

Honesty, n. Lies told in simple declarative sentences such as: "Freedom is on the march."

House of Representatives, n. Exclusive club, entry fee $1 to $5 million.

Humble Foreign Policy, n. The invasion of any sovereign nation whose leadership Republicans don't like.

Humbled adj. What a Republican says right after a close election and right before he governs in an arrogant manner.

Insurgent, n. Armed or unarmed, violent or non-violent Iraqi on the receiving end of an American rocket blast or bullet spray, regardless of age, gender or political affiliation.

Intelligence n: Assessment of "the bad guys" used by Dick Cheney to justify a preconceived policy. The CIA must provide this on request and if the CIA does not comply, it can be invented and attributed to the CIA. (See, Iraq, weapons of mass destruction)

Job Growth, n. Increased number of jobs an individual has to take after losing earlier high-paying job.

Junk Science, n. Sound science.

Leave No Child Behind: A program to provide "concern' for schools while cutting funding. (See also unfunded mandate)

Liberal adj: Used to vilify opponents, characterized as effeminate, immoral, and un-American. Widely used after the words progressive, radical, left, revolutionary, and insurrectionary were banned from the mainstream media, having the double benefit of making moderates seem vaguely dan-gerous and making revolutionaries seem vaguely embarrassing and in-effectual.

Liberal media: Ted Koppel and anarchist magazines.

Friday, August 12, 2005

The Republican Dictionary (A-E)

In my last post I mentioned how much the Republicans hate Liberals, at least that is what I gather from that wonderous google image search. In light of this, I decided that perhaps I should post a Republican dictionary so that we can work to understand our elephant bretheren. Since this gets a bit lengthy, I am going to break it up over several posts (all of the big words have been hypenated, since we know how tricky reading can get).

Abuse n: Modern word for what was once referred to as torture. An interim term, soon to be replaced by "tough love" (which, in turn, is expected to be replaced by "freedom's caress").

Activist Judge, n. A judge who at-tempts to protect the rights of min-orities--most especially homosexuals--against the tyranny of the majority.

Accountability, n. Buck? What buck?

Advise and Consent, n. A process to validate the nominations to key pos-itions made by the President. In the rare occasions where the will of the President is thwarted, this can be dispensed with since it would be inappropriate for him to change his mind or, worse, to submit to the will of the Democrats.

Alarmist, n. Any respected scientist who understands the threat of global warming.

Allies, n. Foreigners who do what Republicans tell them to do.

Alternative Energy Sources, n. New locations to drill for oil and gas.

Balanced, adj. 1. favoring corp-orations (a more balanced approach to the environment.); 2. favoring con-servatives (fair and balanced re-porting).

Bankrupcy, n. A legal proceeding designed to help airlines and other companies reduce labor costs. Re-cently this process has been abused by individuals who did not plan prop-erly for catastrophic illness or divorce.

Bipartisanship, adj. 1. When Dem-ocrats give in.; 2. When conservative Republicans work together with mod-erate Republicans to pass legislation Democrats hate.; 3. Our way or the highway.

"Burning Bush": A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire.

California, n. A state to be avoided. Populated in most regions by people who obviously are suffering dementia from too much time in the sun.

China: See Wal-Mart.

Civil Liberties, n. Unnecessary privileges that you aren't afraid of losing unless you are a God-hating, baby-killing, elitist liberal who loves Saddam Hussein more than your own safety.

Clarify, v. Repeating the same lie over and over again.

Clean, adj. The word used to modify any aspect of the environment Re-publican legislation allows corporat-ions to pollute, poison, or destroy.

Climate Change, n. Global warming, without that annoying suggestion that something is wrong.

Checks and Balances. 1. The system whereby the campaign checks of the few balance the interests of the many.; 2. An antiquated concept put forward by the Founding Fathers that impedes governmental efficiency for branches under Republican control (see also REFORM). ; 3. A system that, in the unlikely event that the milk toast democrats should ever again control anything, will prevent them from implementing any programs such as raising minimum wages, improving health care, fully funding schools, or raising taxes on the upper brackets that could negatively impact our base.

Class Warfare, n. 1. Any attempt to raise the minimum wage. ; 2. Any attempt to thwart tax cuts for the rich.

Coalition, n. One or more nations whose leaders have been duped, pres-sured or bribed into supporting ill-conceived, unnecessary, underplan-ned and/or illegal US military op-erations.

Conviction, n. Making decisions before getting the facts, and refusing to change your mind afterward.

Culture Of Life, n. A reduction of reproductive freedoms. This should not be confused with concerns for criminals on death row, even if they received an inadequate legal defense, or non-Christian foreigners who might be in the way when freedom is on the march.

Death n: An increasingly rare phenomenon, no longer occurring among soldiers of the U.S. army or civilians in affected countries. How-ever, the media reports that death is still caused by lone gunmen and over-consumption of saturated fats as well as natural disasters.

Death Tax, n. A term invented by anti-tax zealots and referring to a tax used to prevent the very wealthy from establishing a dominating aristocracy in this country.

Democracy n: 1. A product so extensively exported that the domest-ic supply is depleted.; 2. A country where the newspapers are pro-Amer-ican.; 3. When they vote for us. (See, tyranny: When they vote for someone else.)

Democratic Ally, n. Any democracy, monarchy, plutocracy, oligarchy or dictatorship--no matter how ruthless--that verbally supports American dip-lomatic and economic goals.

Democratic Party n. A group of girly men and lesbo women who advocate such subversive ideas as environ-mentalism, progressive tax codes, gun control, or corporate accountability.

Deregulate, v. To pursue greed and exploitation.

Detain, v. Hold in a secret place without recourse to law and treat in any manner one wishes.

Economic Progress, n. 1. Recession; 2. Rising unemployment; 3. Minimum-wage freeze.

Economic Recovery, n. When three out of five software engineers who lost their jobs to outsourcing are able to find part-time work at Wal-Mart.

Education, n. A dangerous process where students are trained to read, to reason, and to critically evaluate what they are told. Many people cling to the quaint idea that education is critical to the success of the nation, so it must be suppressed without being overtly critical. (see No Child Left Behind)

Election Fraud, n. Counting every vote.

Environmental Protection Agency: Economic Predators Inc.

Environmentalist, n. A subversive individual who works against the interests of America by demanding that corporations be responsible for the normal by-products of healthy industries.

Ethics, n. A standard of behavior to be applied to Democrats as a means to discredit them. Ethics never apply to a Republican, as our candidates are granted "Ethical" status as a result of membership in the party.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Liberals Are So Intolerant!

Well, I was trying to find a graphic to go with this entry, but the sheer amount of utter shit I came across in several google image searches is enough to put me off hunting for political images for a long, long time. Go do a google image search for liberals, go ahead... Ill wait... .... .... back yet? Are you utterly disgusted yet? Save a Seal, Club Liberals? Liberals, I Want YOU to Move to Canada? You shut the fuck up, we'll protect america? This is just pathetic. We have differing views on various political issues, so apparently we all suck and should be clubbed/maimed/move to Canada?

That said and vented, I'll get on with this entry. I found this article through another evil, liberal friend of mine and decided it deserved a spot here in Ebolaville. Here is just a small quote from it to spark your interest.
"I love diversity, religious pluralism, peace and love and pacifism and good drugs and open-mouthed sensuality, happy to let you believe in any god you like and marry any gender you like and let you love how you will and be in full control of your sex and your body and your mind.

This, to me, is the America worth fighting for. These are the laws I support. Don't believe in abortion? Don't understand gay people? Sexuality make you rashy? Think Harry Potter teaches kids evil and witchcraft? Don't marry a sexy gay witch abortionist. But don't you dare, based on your limited understanding of God and life, make laws declaring that I can't. "

-From Mark Moford's Liberals Are So Intolerant!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Those Pesky Anti-Choicers: Redux

Planned Parenthood touts itself as "the world's oldest and largest voluntary reproductive health care" and some conservative fucktards are scared silly of them as a result. There was a great article on Alternet about them: Family Planners Stand Up To Right-Wing Boycott

I love the idea of using this boycott list against these sleazy self-righteous assclowns, it just smacks of karmic justice. But I sure as hell didn't want even $15 of mine to go to them. Luckily, someone who no doubt has a little silver fish on the back of their car posted it for us: "The List"

There are some pretty great companies on the list, and it makes me happy that some of the money I have given to these companies has gone to Planned Parenthood. I think I should even write to the companies that I don't know or use, and tell them I support their support of Planned Parenthood.

You know, if groups like LDI were just against the abortion and referral services offered by Planned Parenthood at least I could understand it. I wouldn't agree with or condone it, I think it's ignorant and sexist (in LDI's case the president and chairman of the board is male, as are 6 of the remaining 7 board of directors), but I do comprehend their beliefs and why they feel as strongly about abortion as they do. I just wish that they could comprehend that their beliefs are just that, beliefs; they are opinions that these people are trying have made into laws. Look, no womb, no opinion. A woman's reproductive rights and health are between the woman and her doctor (and not her fucking pharmacist), and NO ONE else's business. I have a penis and I can grasp that concept. Why can't they?

And they couldn't stop there. They are against birth control. They are against sex education. They are more turned off by fucking than a Catholic priest in a room full of naked women. (see The Fight Against Fucking) I can't help but laugh at how repressed, thin-skinned and easily offended these organized idiots are. On their "What's wrong with Planned Parenthood" page, LDI has the following warning:

WARNING: Some of the text included on this page is offensive. It comes directly from Planned Parenthood. The text in red type below in recommended for adults only.

Any frank and open discussion of sex or sexuality freaks these people out. Any option other than abstinence for preventing pregnancy or STDs is wicked and wrong! Even their imaginary friend Jebus hung out with hookers, how did his followers get to be so uptight and hung up on sex? And who the hell do these people think they are that they should be making intimate personal decisions for the entire country? Arrogant fuckholes much? It boggles the mind.

Although LDI claims to have no political affiliation, they certainly demonstrate the Repuglicans' flair for spinning and distorting language. They refer to "committing" abortions rather than "performing". They claim Planned Parenthood is anti women's rights because they don't support the "women's right to know" act. It's actually called the "Parents Right to Know Act", and it is "...legislation would require that local clinics receiving any federal funds notify parents of a minor's request for contraception five days prior to dispensing it to her." Call me crazy, but I think I'd agree with oh, the International Women's Health Coalition when they say:

  • Parental notification laws don't stops teens from having sex—they stop teens from having protected sex.
  • Decreasing contraceptive availability leads to unsafe sex.
  • Confidentiality is key in providing family planning information and services. Leading medical and public health groups stress the importance of confidentiality—especially for young people—in healthcare provision. The American Medical Association, the National Medical Association, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Family Physicians, the American Public Health Association, and the American Medical Women's Association all oppose mandatory parental notification requirements for minors seeking family planning services. (I had to put that whole bullet in... pretty good recommendations, no?)
  • Adolescents have a right to comprehensive, confidential healthcare.

And check out these "outrageous" and "offensive" statements by Planned Parenthood themselves (Dun DUN DUN!!)

"We've got to be more concerned about preventing teen pregnancies than we are about stopping sexual relationships." -- Faye Wattleton, then-president of the Planned Parenthood Federation of America,
Los Angeles Times, October 17, 1986

"The solution [to negative early sexual experience] to teach young people how to experience sexual pleasure, instead of teaching them to not have sex." -- Bulletin, Planned Parenthood Federation of Canada, Summer 1996

"When [teen] sexual activity is respectful, responsible, and healthy, it can be a positive, life-enhancing
experience." -- "A Matter of Fact," Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts, circa 1994

"[Teaching only abstinence] is a great disservice to young people." -- Gloria Feldt, president of the Planned Parenthood Federation of America, The Inquirer, May 4, 1997

"[U]rging abstinence while condemning all nonmarital sex is unrealistic and irresponsible." -- INsider, Planned Parenthood Federation of America, September 1994

"Abstinence-based education...programs also include information about non-coital
[sex]..." -- "A Matter of Fact," Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts, circa 1994

The horror... the horror... Is it just me, or is every one of these statements, logical, sensible, pragmatic and caring? Quite simply LDI needs to shut the fuck up. These unwanted self-appointed saviors of the moral fabric of America, by denying women's rights and health care and education to the young have crossed the line from a pimple on the ass of society to full blown colon cancer. And make no mistake, they're just as deadly.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

He's Out of his Mind, Please Leave a Message

Some interesting figures from Daily KOS:

  • 49 - the number of vacations that Bush has taken since he was inaugurated in 2001
  • 5 - the number of weeks that Bush will spend on vacation, starting yesterday. It is the longest presidential vacation in at least 36 years.
  • 319 - August 3, 2005 was the 319th day Bush has spent on vacation since his 2001 inauguration.
  • 20% - the fraction of Bush's presidency that he has spent on vacation

  • 23 - the number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq in August alone. That's right. In three days, 23 U.S. soldiers have been killed in Iraq.
  • 1,822 - the total number of U.S. troops who have died in Bush's illegal Iraq war, as of August 3, 2005. Fourteen soldiers were killed today.

If America were a corporation, and we the people were the stockholders, and Bush was our CEO, wouldn't we have fired this unrepentant fuckup by now?

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Cloetus the Slack-Jawed President

That’s right folks, our village idiot of a president thinks that “Intelligent Design” should be taught alongside evolution in our country’s public schools. For those of you who don’t know, “Intelligent Design” is the bullshit scientific-sounding term that Christians have given creationism in an effort to sneak religion into public schools. Sweet bleeding shitballs people, are we really going to stand for this?

Their argument is that life as we know is too complex to have evolved randomly. There must be some sort of creator involved. That’s it. That’s their entire argument. Anything that is too complicated for them to understand must be God working in his mysterious ways. What sort of primitive bullshit superstition is this? No study, not one shred of scientific evidence, just their belief in god as creator of the universe.

faith (fāth) n. Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.

And let’s be honest here people. That’s all we’re talking about here: faith. There is absolutely no scientific evidence to support “Intelligent Design”. Of course, evolution has a little something called the fossil record going for it. And you know, that whole carbon dating thing. But proponents of ID have 2000 years of belief in a book written by men. Give me a fucking break. Admittedly, the fossil record is not perfect. There are occasional gaps. But that’s the problem with fundamentalists; they believe that every single word of the bible is true. As such, they see the world as black or white, good or evil, with no wiggle room in between. They don’t understand that a scientific theory is very different from a best guess. The accepted theory of evolution is based on well over a hundred years of intensive scientific study. The joke of a sham of a “theory” of Intelligent Design is based on wanting to believe in god. IT HAS NO PLACE BEING TAUGHT AS A SCIENCE IN OUR PUBLIC SCHOOLS.

ID supporters will tell you that they’re not trying to push a religious agenda. Yeah, and I’m not masturbating, I’m massaging a cramp in my penis. Saying that molecular systems are too complex to have happened by chance, and inferring from that belief that they must have been designed or created by some higher intelligence with a specific purpose… how is that not god? How is that not a back door to forcing your personal religious beliefs upon school children? How fucking dumb do you think we are?

ID is a pseudoscience because it claims to be scientific but is in fact metaphysical. It is based on several philosophical confusions, not the least of which is the notion that the empirical is necessarily scientific. This is false, if by 'empirical' one means originating in or based on observation or experience. Empirical theories can be scientific or non-scientific. Freud's theory of the Oedipus complex is empirical but it is not scientific. Jung's theory of the collective unconscious is empirical but it is not scientific. Biblical creationism is empirical but it is not scientific. Poetry can be empirical but not scientific.

On the other hand, if by 'empirical' one means capable of being verified or disproved by observation or experiment then ID is not empirical. Neither the whole of Nature nor an individual eco-system can be proved or disproved by any set of observations to be intelligently or unintelligently designed. A design theory and a natural law theory that makes no reference to design can account for Nature as a whole and for individual eco-systems.
I’m not sure which is scarier: the fact that the leader of arguably the most powerful country in the world doesn’t believe in evolution, or that he’s willing to push this religious agenda on our country. I have to say though, the people who tell Georgie boy what to say are in fact fucking brilliant. The White House is under a ton of scrutiny right now, BUllSHit’s approval ratings are down, and the media is finally starting to talk about what a mess Iraq truly is. So much as he did during his first term when things got sticky, Bush attempts to cloud the waters of political discourse with religious zealotry that by its very definition should have nothing to do with matters of the state. Remember his proposed gay marriage constitutional amendment? This is the same damn thing. Throw the religious right wingnutters a bone, bring up an emotional issue to confuse the masses, then continue to do whatever the fuck he wants while the voters are busy arguing about the origin of the species. And his fervent supporters don’t even care that he’s simply using them as political chess pieces. He’s using them in a way they want to be used.
It’s the old divide and conquer routine, but the right loves him for it. You see, as far as they’re concerned, it doesn’t matter if the country is falling apart, it doesn’t matter if our safety is actually more at risk now than before we illegally invaded Iraq. They think he’s doing the Lord’s work, and that’s all they care about. Am I the only one who is becoming increasingly ashamed to be called American?

Monday, August 01, 2005

The Joys of Driving

This isn't so much a post as a simple rant. I live in California, where our freeways and highways are not-so-affectionately referred to as parking lots. Here are some of the reasons I'm THIS fucking close to being an 11 o'clock news road rage item:

1) Turn signals: I simply love it when you're in front of me, and you SLAM on your brakes... and THEN decide to grace me with your turn signal. I would very much like to hit you upside the head with a baseball bat... and THEN yell "head's up!" And FYI, a turn indicator does just that: indicates your intention to turn or change lanes. It does not give you free reign to cut across three lanes of traffic expecting that everyone will stop for you. A little blinking light is not the best defense against 2,000 plus pounds of metal moving at high speed, dumbass.

2) The freeway: When there's 20 fucking car lengths in front of you, and I'm so far up your ass I know what you had for lunch, and all the cars on your right are passing you... GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE FAST LANE! You do not belong there! It's called the fast lane for a reason.

3) Pay attention: Listen you self-important prick in your shiny luxury sedan, hang up the goddamn cell phone and DRIVE. And Jane you ignorant slut, here's a novel concept for you... how about getting up 10 minutes earlier and putting your fucking lipstick and eyeliner on BEFORE you get in the car, hmm?? That first one really chaps my ass. We managed to go about a hundred years operating motor vehicles without being on the phone. Now it seems like most of you can't conceive of one without the other. So really, which is more important... talking to your vacuous friends about your pathetic lives blissfully unaware of the carnage you're leaving behind you on the roads, or actually having a free hand with which to use your turn signal? Jackass.

4) On surface streets... listen you imbecile, window shopping was meant to be accomplished while walking, NOT WHILE DRIVING DOWN A MAJOR THRU WAY!
5) Window shopping of another color: Look Sparky, I appreciate attractive women as much as the next heterosexual male. But do you really need to slow down to check out every woman driver that you pass? Seriously, what do you think is going to happen? Are your eyes going to meet across the smog laden tarmac, and a string quartet begin to play, and she'll decide there and then to pull over for some hot monkey sex in the back seat? If you want to shamelessly ogle females, go to a tacky singles bar. Don't do it on the friggin' highway.
6) Elderly Asian women driving minivans. 'Nuff said.
All I know is that our intrepid scientists better hurry the fuck up and perfect the Star Trek teleportation technology. Otherwise I just can't be held responsible for my actions.